ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
