how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
