Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
