Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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