If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
