1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My ass is underappreciated
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
