You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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