This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
