Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
