i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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