So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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