it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
