I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
