A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
