Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize