You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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