I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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