Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
