plz talk dirty to me
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
