Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
