thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
