She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
