no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
