its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
