Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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