Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
they're like a gay fantastic four
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
