oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
