Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
