I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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