can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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