Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
