Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
