you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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