I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
