You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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