you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
