Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
