i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
