Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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