you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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