Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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