I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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