I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
