I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
