The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize