I hate all girls vehemently.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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