There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
