Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
