I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Randomize
