she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
