Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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