Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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