beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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