I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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