I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
