Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You pole danced in your parka.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
