Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
