I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My breasts were aching with rage.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize