There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
