Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
