just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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