living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
