He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
