In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
