i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize