Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
