Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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