He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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