remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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